I’m a Kid Again
Once upon a time we were children,
innocent, joyful, unmolested children.
We laughed, we cried, we played, we fought,
But most of all we dreamed.
When I grow up I want to box like Pop,
or be like Grandpa and own a barbershop.
I had a crush on Wonder Woman
and Jayne Kennedy,
and Pam Grier,
and Thelma from Good Times,
and when I grew up I was going to marry them all,
and life was going to be Dyn-O-Mite.
My Mama could cook the hell out of some shrimp fried rice.
Life was nice
But at the time I didn’t realize that life was a roll of the dice,
and sometimes it comes up snake eyes, which is exactly what I rolled at the age of ten,
a little boy filled with the rage of men.
I never cried, but I died inside.
I guess death really is the wage of sin,
whether you’re the sinner or the sinnee.
I paid for the sin of a snake eyed nigga named Benny.
He did not take my manhood.
In fact, in a way that’s when it began.
After that, I dared a motherfucker to tell me I wasn’t a man.
I became impenetrable.
Never again would I be penetrated,
I saw niggas acting hard
and I imitated.
Everything I loved, I pretended that I hated.
Love was outdated,
a thing of the past.
Love was for suckers,
and trust will get you fucked in the ass.
But I was only ten.
My smile was gone,
Replaced with a scowl.
But if you looked at my eyes,
They were wide as an owl.
I was afraid,
and sometimes I felt like I wanted to throw in the towel.
Years would pass,
and attempts to love would come and go.
They would bloom like flowers in the Spring
and disappear like melted snow.
But after they dissolved I knew
I never felt it though.
But then I saw you
and deep within my soul
something began to stir.
The feeling was familiar
though somewhat of a blur.
A distant memory
of innocence before it was lost.
A love undefiled and true,
and right then I knew
I had to have your love at any cost.
It makes me want to speak in tongues
like the day of Pentecost.
It makes me want to come,
knock at your door
and ask if you can come outside and play.
I’d like to ride your slip and slide
then come inside
Your love makes me smile,
like a big goofy ass kid,
and that’s exactly what I did.
after all these years
and all this pain
and all these miles of walking
outside in the rain,
your love unlocked a piece of my heart
and a part of my brain
that I put away
at the age of ten.
I’m a kid again.
Brian C Scott